Our Referral Story

Referral ... according to Dictionary.com it is a person recommended to someone or for something. 

In the adoption community a referral is that point in the process when the agency that you are working with matches your family with a child(ren).  

For those who have followed Ethiopian adoptions in recent years, the time that it has taken families to receive that long-awaited referral has increased, and increased, and increased.  Most agencies have wait times of about 24 months at this point.  (And that's not including the 6 months of time you spend prior to that completing all the necessary paper work and obtaining the appropriate clearances.)  For our family ... the official wait time began in September 2011.

All of that to say, that sometimes God has other plans ... which is what happened for us. We officially received our referral for Zone in August 2012.  (Just less than one year of official "waiting.")  Zone's profile was featured in an update from our agency, Holt International, on August 1, 2011.  The first words we read about our son included that he was a "happy little boy", "asks many questions", and "enjoys participating in make believe."  I knew instantly, that I wanted to learn more about him and see what God had planned for our family and this little boy.  I was reading these words at 4:30am the day after receiving the update.  If you know me, you know that it.is.not.my.style. to be awake at 4:30am.  But something (hmm?? God??) had me up and I decided to revisit the update I had only skimmed the day before.  

By 5:00 am I was sending an email to the Holt offices in Oregon (grant you it was 3:00 am there) asking about this boy.  That was a Thursday morning.  The steps that followed included phone calls, question answering, more phone calls, and more questions.  All completely worth it to end the day on Friday knowing that we were being "considered" as a forever family for this sweet boy. (Whose name we didn't yet know.)

The process for referring a waiting child (Zone's file was being worked through this program) through our agency is thorough and lengthy.  All we knew by Friday afternoon was that God had placed this boy on our hearts and we were so thankful for the opportunity to pray for him and for God's affirmation that we were indeed supposed to be working to adopt.  

I was scheduled to fly out for the MOPS International Convention the following Tuesday.  So when our family departed for Chicago on Monday we were trusting in the process.  We knew that our next step would be a phone call conference with one of our agencies social workers. This was scheduled for the Sunday that I would return.  

God, in His infinite wisdom, had other plans.  Not more than an hour after I arrived in Dallas I received a text message from my husband.  It simply said, "Check your email."  I opened my email (from my phone, as I had decided not to bring a laptop or iPad on the trip) to see an email from our agency.  The subject line: Child Material Zone.  I thought, hmmm?  We are in the child material zone.  Wonder what that means.  (Are you getting it?  'Cuz this took me some time.)  I opened the email to read:

"Please see the attached child material that you requested. ... 

"please let either of us know once you are comfortable making a decision regarding pursuing or declining this child’s adoption."

Huh???  Pursue or decline this child's adoption?  What was this??  Oh my word!! This was a referral file!!!  As I paged down the email I realized that included in this email were pictures!!  Pictures of our sweet boy!!

I immediately called my husband who was in Door County with our kids visiting his parents while I was away.  I am in Dallas.  He's in Door County. And we are about to look at the pictures of our son for the very first time.  And all I have is a stupid smart phone. (Irony??)

Hence the journey to Zone began.  We took one look at his sweet face and knew that God had  prepared us for this moment.  That God had begun the work of placing him in his forever family -- ours!

The Third Trimester of Adoption

The struggle to decide what one writes for the very first post on their blog is HUGE!  I have gone back and forth about how to start this whole blogging thing a thousand times.  My decision ... Just do it!

That said, this is a topic that has been on my mind for a bit now.  You see, we are in the final stages of bringing our son home from Ethiopia.  {I will back track more of this journey in future posts.} Having traveled once for our court trip; and having the Ethiopian courts declare us as his parents was a G.I.G.A.N.T.I.C. step in this process.  Now were are home with our three resident children, preparing to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour.  All while I am experiencing what I have determined is the "third trimester" of adoption.  

How I made this determination:

Having experienced the third trimester of pregnancy for each of our three resident children, I wasn't sure how these final days of preparing for our newest son would be.  Since returning from Ethiopia, I have found myself having periods of excitement and pure joy; countered by moments of sheer terror.  I have had times when I am full of energy, and doing some serious "nesting" ... preparing clothes, organizing, cleaning, etc.  Then I have times where I am just plain tired (and since I don't have midnight feedings or other middle of the night wakings, I wasn't sure what was up.)  After a week and half of this, it hit me!  I am in the third trimester of adoption!  The only difference between this and the other third trimesters I have experienced is the physical changes my body would endure. (Although ... I have justified weight gain with this excuse!) Suddenly, it all made sense.  The times when I just want to cry because I want our son home ... TODAY!  And then the moments when I think, "Who were we kidding? We can't parent another child."  These are all NORMAL!  I remember being pregnant with our third born.  Our first son.  We were thrilled to be having a boy to balance the two girls ... and yet, at times, I thought ... "But, he is so much easier to parent while he is still in the womb." 

All of this clarity, lead me to thinking about the mommas I know that have yearned to experience a full pregnancy.  And then being lead to adoption, wondering if they are missing out.  I am here to say ... YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT!  I can confidently say that the way God is preparing me for the arrival of our 4th child, is much the same as the way He prepared me for the arrival of our first three.  You see, I have known that God places children in families.  I watch my resident three, and the things that make me craziest about them are generally the things that I know are just like me (or their dad .. mostly their dad. hee, hee).  But the truth is ... it is all God!  God designs each being and He places them in families.  He is the maker of all things.  It is He I trust to bring me through this third trimester ... for the fourth time.  Because, I know His ways are perfect.

 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down 

from the Father of the heavenly lights, 

who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

So as my family prepares to rejoice as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I am thinking of how Mary might have felt during her third trimester of pregnancy.  Something tells me ... it was a bit of the same.

Wishing you blessings in the journey, 

Sheila